Three Years Already

I honestly can't believe it has been three years already. I never could have anticipated how much moving from the country that I have always called home to somewhere new would have impacted my grief about the loss of my mom. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to tell this story with all of the new people I have met and the new relationships I have been developing. It seems that it's nearly impossible for me to tell a person something about myself without this coming up. It certainly is a part of me.

To be honest, I started this post about two months ago, and I still can't figure out what I want to say. I know that it makes me sad when I realize that Cade doesn't know or understand why we don't really talk about my mom. Strangely, it just doesn't seem to come up very much. It makes me sad when I realize how few pictures we have of her in those last years. It makes me want to be better about photographing everyone around us because you just never know. It breaks my heart when I think about the fact that she's missing her grandkids growing up. It's hard to raise my own kids and have questions for her that will never be answered. But, it brings me a lot of joy when I think about the fact that she is finally pain free and in a much better place. Selfishly, I just wish she'd been able to be pain free here on earth a little longer.